but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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