you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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