he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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