First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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