Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
