The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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