don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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