i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
