and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
