Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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