I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
