so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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