i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
