Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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