dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
