I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
