She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need to calm my uterus...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
