she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
