I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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