I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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