chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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