In the future we'll all be gay
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
