there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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