I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
