no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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