In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
