Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize