this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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