Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She said her name was "party"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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