so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
