I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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