She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We need to get me chipped asap
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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