Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
