How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
