Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wear drunk well.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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