those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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