Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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