I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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