I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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