meet me or not, i'm out of control
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
