Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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