TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We smell like vodka and hangover
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
