Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
