This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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