with your own penis?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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