Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
