i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
