Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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