omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
