I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
