i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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