I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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