finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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