Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
