i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
