Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
