omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
