sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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