so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
