i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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