Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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