Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
