i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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