singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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