k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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