I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
