Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Randomize