A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My bed smells like the plague
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
